Watch Cap

Hold Tight

2010-09-28T18:57:00.001-04:00

If There Were No Tea Party

2010-09-21T23:21:00.002-04:00

vs.

let's get back on track, people.

Why I Won't Be Going Into Politics

2010-09-15T22:46:00.004-04:00

Tonight my father gave me "the talk", which happens about once every six months. It is when he relays in his own subtle way how he believes the direction in which I am taking my life is not optimal. The close alternate to this speech is how I made crucial errors in the past. The last time I got that lecture it was about how I should have played football, gone to Penn State, and could now be making millions of dollars. I tried to counter with the fact that I am 5'10'', have not been in shape since I was 12, and have had four psychotic episodes. Also I'm white.

Anyhow, the current version of "the talk" is about how while acting is admirable, and will probably make me happy, and is something I could do well in, my "gift" for politics made me obligated to pursue that instead. Apparently I have a rare grasp for fact, figure, and dynamics. It really isn't false modesty when I say I don't entirely agree. Nor is this back-handed boasting, just a frame of reference for how my dad gets because I know who Scott Walker is.

After my sincere modesty, I told him that even if he were right I'd equate it to someone understanding more than the average bear about serial killers being told they should become a criminal profiler. To deny it may be shutting the door on a true affinity, but it's the best choice. I simply can't think of anything that would contribute to my already natural hopelessness and depression than working in politics right now.

We have a choice between pussies and cowards. Pussies don't know what's best and are too scared to think about it, cowards do but refuse to do it. I'll let you decide which party is which. Either way, we're in a terrible time for those who want the real solutions to at least be discussed. And I can't imagine being on the inside. I would burn out.

A few of my friends either are or have worked on campaigns, for either side of the aisle. Things have gone well for some, less so for others. Either way, I sense a creeping malaise in all of them. The vigor, idealism, and passion that come with youth would seem to indicate that politics would be a young man's game, but I don't think that's the case. I imagine we're producing yet another generation of the disillusioned who will become more and more detached and opportunistic. And that's fine probably. Little pink houses for you and me.

Nobody wants to see how the sausage is made. But people really don't want to realize that they're making sausage.

P.S. that picture is totally going in the bank.

Labor Day

2010-09-07T00:27:00.001-04:00

Chin Chin

Natchez

2010-09-01T19:40:00.002-04:00

View Larger Map
google map of the route at the end of Waits' Don't Go Into That Barn. Seems doable. Next Summer.

Man Man

2010-07-13T18:08:00.002-04:00

This trailer seems to encompass all of my values. I'm trying to think if anything has been left out.... Nope.

Go Orange

2010-07-11T11:58:00.003-04:00

Embrace my distant nationalities like any good American during the World Cup, and being Dutch & Basque (whatever that means), hmmm I wonder who I am to root for...

I think we've all had enough of these Latinate pretty boys

Proper Villains

2010-07-07T01:53:00.003-04:00

Unspeakable badass. No explanations or identification, and it shouldn't be any other way, though there are a few I don't know. The track is Godspeed!, which takes me back. Observations and questions:

Good call on John Ryder over Roy Batty for Rutger, it's a nice wild card. Kind of a weird choice for Oldman though, how do you not go Stansfield?

Also isn't this just a list of the best human characters (other than Royal Tenenbaum)? And who will speak for Hans Landa and Ivan Drago?

Go Orange

2010-07-02T02:49:00.004-04:00

Famous Dutch off the top of my head:

Franklin & Teddy Roosevelt.

Gerardus van der Leeuw (in no way famous. His wiki page is half the size of the guy who was drummer for Motley Crue after Tommy left, if that ever even happened. But I'm learning about him right now, and he said 'Sacred power is the root of all religion & 'the object of religion is highly exceptional and extremely impressive', so clearly he was a lot of fun.)

Rembrandt.

Famous Brazilians off the top of my head:

Pele (who should almost be disqualified from this comparison)

Seu Jorge, the dude from City of God and The Life Aquatic.

Tereza Widmar.

The Gathering

2010-07-01T12:48:00.002-04:00

Four reasons I am in love with this Rick Barber ad:

1) It continues the fine tradition of Alabama asking to be carved out of this nation and set adrift. We could easily do it while we're cleaning up the Gulf.

2) Rick Barber is a pretty good actor. When this doesn't work out, which it probably won't, he needs to be on the Office as an intense friend of Andy Bernard.

3) How deferentially he still calls George Washington "Mr. President". Entirely appropriate.

4) It is directed exactly like The Patriot.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Anatomy of Faith: An Introduction to Religion, Fifth Edition

2010-06-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-21T00:34:00.001-04:00

I ask my father "Did you see JAG has a new show?" like JAG was a show about a guy named JAG.

Totally

2010-02-07T05:35:00.001-05:00

HIGH-FIVE SUPER BOWL! - watch more funny videos

Now I am ready. As a side note, I'm not sure how I feel about how much comedy bits make me want to be a has-been. I could do without success.

Chips Ahoy

2010-02-01T22:36:00.002-05:00

Not going to go crazy and guess technical categories, just putting myself on the record before the nominations are read. May or may not come back with analysis, because I don't really blog anymore, but I'll try to. Haven't seen a couple of these I'm guessing on, which feels dirty.

Best Picture:

Avatar
District 9
Inglorious Basterds
The Hurt Locker
Up
Precious
Star Trek
Up in the Air
An Education
The Blind Side

Best Actor:

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

Best Actress:

Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

Best Supporting Actor:

Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christian McKay, Me & Orson Welles
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds

Best Supporting Actress:

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Diane Kruger, Inglorious Basterds
Mo'Nique, Precious
Julianne Moore, A Single Man

Best Director:

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Neill Blomkamp, District 9
James Cameron, Avatar
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds

Best Original Screenplay:

Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar
Joel & Ethan Coen, A Serious Man
Bob Paterson & Pete Docter, Up
Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach, The Fantastic Mr. Fox
Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell, District 9
Tom Ford, A Single Man
Nick Hornby, An Education
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T23:15:00.000-05:00

Pretty Eyes

2009-12-02T01:31:00.003-05:00

"Everybody wants perspective from a hill
but everybody's wants can't make it past the window sill
I can see you in yourt room at night
the pictures on your walls
little forest scenes and high school halloweens
but they don't come to you
they don't come to you at all

All houses dream in blueprints
our house dreams so hard
Outside you can see my shoeprints
I've been dreaming in your yard

One of these days these days will end
Thru the kitchen window the light will bend
You'll be carving a pumpkin with a knife
when someone at the table says
"that's not what I call a life!"

The elephants are so ashamed of their size
hosing down I tell them "you got pretty eyes"
Out in the backyard I used to make like I was a cowboy
I'd set my dog before a hoop and say "now boy, now boy!"

When the governer's heart fails
the state bird falls from its branch
Icicles on hell's higher hills
Meanwhile back home at the ranch
I still get up early in the morning
and I never knew a better place

I believe the stars are the headlights of angels
driving from heaven to save us
to save us
Won't you look at the sky?
They're driving from heaven into our eyes
and though final words are so hard to devise
I promise that I'll always remember your pretty eyes
your pretty eyes"

-Dave Berman

yes, we can.

Coming Down

2009-11-10T17:12:00.001-05:00

Dedicated to needless Tuesday hangovers. I don't know how the great ones did it.

At Large

2009-11-09T11:56:00.001-05:00

This one's gonna be a bummer.

Typically, this was put up on someone's Facebook page. Someone I used to consider a close friend that I haven't really spoken to in 7 years. Not going to get into that though, but rather that it just jump-started something that's been happening for 4 or 5 years, which is that at some point I return to this song and it sort of paralyzes me.

It's not like I have that much particular identification with Brock's lyrics. I don't particularly care for songs or books about drifters. I certainly wouldn't have the balls to ever drift. The closest I ever came to drifting was blowing a tank of gas getting lost in Annandale listening to Real Gone. It's more like for some reason this song has turned into some kind of anthem of my feelings of being stuck.

I don't even really have a conclusion for this thing. I have someone in my life for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, who makes it okay. I mean love makes things different, I'm lucky. Sure there's a lot I like about here, I love the city, I miss driving through Northwest in the evening, and how evening is pretty much the only way I think of it. This is turning into a take your fucking medicine post, I'm going to ramble if I don't cut this off.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

Evil Empire

2009-11-04T19:39:00.002-05:00

I can't muster up the enthusiasm for a big baseball post, just like I can't muster the enthusiasm for the game anymore. There was a time when it meant a lot to me. His integrity has been held up as a beacon to ad nauseum, but I will say if anything untoward came out about Cal Ripken I'd probably still be heartbroken. I mean besides Kevin Costner fucking his wife.

Like I said, there was a time when it mattered, and when it did it was all about Birdland, Brady Anderson and Ralphael Palmiero and Roberto Alomar Jr. (I would imagine Little League staring down of umpires went up a lot in this area thanks to him). Later, when I started spending more time up in New york and appreciating the game with my uncle and cousins, it was all about the Mets. I came on board just in time for the Subway series in 2000, and I've more or less stuck with them since. Mike Piazza, New york Catcher.

I've been wrestling all week with a crisis of conscience, that being the inevitability of another yanks world series and how much I can enjoy that. And the truth is, I really can't. I want to like this stern, cleancut group of guys, but except for CC there's never been such a clear indication of how the organization just bleeds the personality from everyone. High & Tight.

So go blah, go Phillies.

P.S. after the fact. Eh, I still can't really care. My mother says they look like baby hippos celebrating, which is why she needs to be on PTI. I called my dad and asked if he was a yankees fan growing up and he said he went to a doubleheader in 1959 that lasted 10 hours and never recovered. He only pretended to ever care about baseball for my sake. Thanks Dad.

He talks about letting me stay up late to watch Cal beat Lou Gehrig's record, which I don't really remember. I do remember around that time my babysitter let me stay up until 12 to watch FORREST GUMP win Best Picture. It was in many ways a simpler time.

I Used to be a Movie Star, It's a Tough Racket

2009-11-03T20:08:00.011-05:00

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin hosting the Oscars next year. Not a lot to say except I'm pleased. Could be a real interesting mix. I never really thought so at the time, but Steve Martin has probably been the best host of my lifetime. He's certainly the only one worth quoting. Even Chris Rock was only funny in a brashly awkward take no prisoners way. Some Steve highlights:

From 2001:

"For me, hosting the academy awards is like making love to a beautiful woman. You can only do it when Billy Crystal's not in town."

I actually remember this one differently, much more of just a blatant I am fucking his wife, but it still made me chuckle.

From 2003:

"It's so sweet backstage. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."

"Roman Polanski's here. Get him!"

This one killed in context because there was enormous tension over his nomination and possible win. Kind of more funny in retrospect.

Also here's a sweet quote from Benecio Del Toro:

I'd like to dedicate this to the people of Nogales, Arizona, and Nogales, Mexico.

Polite applause.

I look forward to Baldwin as well, I really have no frame of reference for what he'll do, but I'm sure he'll handle it. He's got stage experience and the wit, and good chemistry with Martin.

After last year, they're on a mission of mercy.

The Human Cost

2009-11-03T20:08:00.007-05:00

Something lost in all of the coverage of the Redskins embarrassing first half of the season is the cost in the lives of every day residents of the DC area:

The Papa John's Redskins Special

Faced with one of the easiest opening stretches in the NFL, and the opportunity to put free toppings on many pies, the Skins blew it. My only theory is that Zorn stays so attractive by avoiding pizza, so for that and many other reasons, fuck him.

This is honestly the only way I can get myself to care about the Skins anymore

Sugartits

2009-10-15T19:25:00.003-04:00

The Boston accents in this movie sound more offensive than Mel's ideas about who started all wars (why can't characters in movies set in Boston just be from the parts of Boston where they don't have shitty accents), but still, this looks suitable. Especially since I just watched BRAVEHEART today at 7 am. It's time for some more Mel, and I'm glad it'll be this before the one where he puts his hand up a Beaver's ass.

P.S. Apparently LAW ABIDING CITIZEN actually comes out this weekend, but every real man will be in WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, kicking their childhood's ass.

The New Classics on TNT

2009-10-08T23:11:00.004-04:00

Since this opens tomorrow and I won't be around, I'd like to just be on record as saying I'm entirely down for it. Especially because it's got that already seen it deja vu, right down to the circa 1993 Andrew Davis sheen. Not to mention it's got huge chunks ripped right out of the Dark Knight. While no Alpha Male Jamie Foxx movies have been good since Any Given Sunday (ehhh The Kingdom), that is counterbalanced by Bruce McGill, who only appears in masterpieces like Seabiscuit and Exit Wounds.

P.S. to save face, whenever Gerard Butler is playing a non-Scot and doing his attempt at the American accent, he should hail from some weird part of Canada. How do they sound in Nova Scotia?

Danny DeVito, 1944-2027

2009-09-28T01:30:00.000-04:00

Kanye West, Be More Like Ving Rhames

2009-09-15T23:09:00.002-04:00

Godspeed

2009-09-15T12:38:00.001-04:00

Patrick Swayze - Chippendale
by tressage

Fazer Eyes

2009-09-11T13:19:00.002-04:00

Keep Walking

2009-09-09T18:46:00.003-04:00

Oddly moving. This commercial gets what the best of advertising gets, that being, not to be too sentimental, the fact that there is now a great narrative behind every classic brand. Some of them dating back quite far. I'd love to see ads like this for Coca-Cola, IBM, the Democratic Party...

Robert Carlyle, so underused and underrated. I could never countenance the idea of this being considered any form of selling out when it's such an awesome use of his skills. Kudos to all involved. As if it didn't feel classy enough drinking Johnnie.

P.S Here's an oldie but goodie, much less effective but still sexy. Signifying either nothing or how much culture has changed. Just consider the editing, or why the fuck Harvey has to knock over a huge obsidian wall to create an explosion that kills a bunch of lions and reveals an evil eye.

Somebody to Love

2009-07-30T12:16:00.002-04:00

I'm quite glad the Coens are now as prolific as Woody Allen. And that they're now rightly selling each of their movies with their previous successes. That's a fairly recent thing. I don't think it's been that long they'd have been able to make a movie without stars, though apparently RIchard Kind is in this.

I'll Never Be an Actor

2009-07-10T01:12:00.001-04:00

If You Can Even Really Call It a Choice

2009-06-21T01:23:00.000-04:00

Feed Me

2009-06-15T13:54:00.001-04:00

Necessary

2009-06-05T03:19:00.002-04:00

2009-06-05T01:42:00.000-04:00

The Boys are Back

2009-05-22T15:30:00.001-04:00

This might be my favorite crazy old man cover since Hurt. I look forward to its badass inclusion in a movie trailer.

Two points of concern:

1) It's weird to hear it with real drumming.

2) It's not really odd for an old man to talk to himself at night because he can't forget. Kind of routine actually, so the resonance is gone.

Wicky Wild Wild Wicky Wicky Wild Wicky Wild Wicky Wicky Wild Wild...

2009-05-19T03:36:00.001-04:00

2009-05-15T11:55:00.002-04:00

This has played on every commercial break on Hulu for the last three days. Too bad I love it so much. Have you ever seen a better head of hair?

All I Need

2009-05-07T01:52:00.001-04:00

Jesus' Son

2009-04-26T20:53:00.001-04:00

Black Knights

2009-04-22T22:44:00.004-04:00

Anthony Finch, West Point Class of 2013. My cousin finally made his decision tonight, to the thrill I'm sure of my father who believes we need a new generation of smart soldiers to "lead us into space", but probably also to the consternation and concern of his mother and, frankly, me. Pride too though. I'm not particularly close with my cousins, mostly thanks to my dad and my uncle (We're in Chris Titus' 63%), but all the same my pride and heart goes out to him. He got his letter from Hillary Clinton, and he's got upper management written all over him. Having a Colonel in the family might make me straighten up and fly right. Hopefully by the time he graduates the Army will mostly be out of any serious shit. I will end with a refrain from his facebook status:

"Why we on this particular mission, we will never know. But I do know, here today, that the Black Knights will emerge victorious once again."

Cameo

2009-04-22T22:07:00.002-04:00

Levar Burton is on twitter Discovered thanks to my buddy Justin who joined up last night and started following him, too drunk to remember doing it or possibly even knowing who he was. Things like this are what make something I found disgusting just two months ago to be very worthwhile. Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too.

Undoing All That Obama Has Accomplished

2009-04-20T17:56:00.001-04:00

Things You Have Time to Do When You Don't Have Anything to Do

2009-04-20T01:29:00.005-04:00

The many faces of Crowe in the '00s. The actor of the decade? I remember in '01 or so we all were contemplating his Brando status, and then he beat up some TV director and threw a phone at a bellhop, and somehow that meant he was less like Marlon Brando? The range is astronomical and undeniable. Though in 2010 it looks like he's reset to Maximus for ROBIN HOOD. Which probably means in 2011 he'll play Chuck D in the Public Enemy movie.

Neutral Zone

2009-04-19T19:29:00.003-04:00

Truly rock bottom.

Wingspan

2009-04-17T07:30:00.004-04:00

Madden retires. Truly the end of an era, of an ever present voice. I was only fully converted to his genius fairly recently, and now all too soon he's gone from the landscape. It's early, I'm delirious, there are others who could eulogize this better.

Here's a guy that's retiring, and nothing will ever be the same.

Prayer

2009-04-12T13:40:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter.

Johnny

2009-04-11T17:53:00.003-04:00

Johnny Hallyday, one of the strangest forces of badass alive, in a film by Johnnie To, whose work I am not familiar with in the slightest, but who I am assured is the truth.

For confirmation of Hallyday, seek out Patrice Leconte's MAN ON THE TRAIN, a film I'm sure I'll talk about again when it's time to consider my favorite films of the decade.

Catholic League of America

2009-04-10T17:38:00.003-04:00

The Irish diaspora in America is absurdly large, something like 10 percent of the population. Which is mind-boggling considering we have not yet been made suitable for mass production. Even so, the ways in which MSNBC becomes the Irish Catholic Boys Choir during prime-time is astounding. Mike Barnacle, god love him, is not only someone who shouldn't be on TV, he shouldn't be visible to the naked eye. This is as Irish Times as I've ever seen it get though, and while I almost invariably find myself nodding with Buchanan's evil way of laying it out like it is, he has his head up his ass here. Major O'Donnell pwnage. Perhaps they did make a mistake putting Big Ed in the slot instead of him. Plus he's not even fucking Irish. Is he?

Inches

2009-04-08T01:58:00.000-04:00

Either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.

I Can Feel It Coming In the Air Tonight

2009-04-05T07:04:00.000-04:00

Schlong

2009-04-02T23:50:00.000-04:00

Sacha Baron Cohen is one of our greatest living actors. As is Ron Paul. Dynamite combo.

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

2009-04-02T06:56:00.000-04:00

Romney 2068

His Hair Was Perfect

2009-03-27T13:55:00.002-04:00

Gone too long without Cruise-ing. One of my favorite songs ever, and sadly this is where I first heard it. Color of Money. Nobody's favorite Scorsese, except Tom Cruise's. Awoo.

The Existence of Life is a Highly Overrated Phenomenon

2009-03-26T09:44:00.001-04:00

If only we could see time the way he does.

No Words

2009-03-25T15:50:00.001-04:00

The last movie Spike Jonze made was ADAPTATION, seven years ago. Which is also the last time I can remember music working this well in a trailer or being this moved by it. This just went from guaranteed horror show to one of my two or three most anticipated of the year. I guess we'll just have to adjuuuuuuust.

Take Off Your Cool

2009-03-25T15:05:00.001-04:00

Some of these are disturbingly apt.

Directions (if you care):
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.
4. If you get tagged you are under no obligation to do your own.

1) Are you a male of a female?

The Moon is the Number 18- Silver Jews

2) Describe yourself?

I Got a Story to Tell- Notorious B.I.G.

3) How do you feel about yourself?

Chips Ahoy!- The Hold Steady

4) Describe your family.

Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

5) What would your family say about you?

I'm So Tired- The Beatles

6) Describe your current love interest?

Fisher of Men- M. Ward

7) What would your current love interest say about you?
Dopeman (Remix) - NWA

8) Describe your current location:
Don't You Evah- Spoon

9) Describe where you want to be:
Stan- Eminem

10) Describe what you want to be:
Stevie Nix- The Hold Steady

11) Describe your best friend:
The Overload- Talking Heads

12) What would your best friend say about you?
I'm Only Sleeping- The Beatles

13) Your favorite color is:
Anonanimal- Andrew Bird

14) You know that:
Tunneling Through the Guy- Man Man

15) What is the weather like?
I Found Love- Wilson Pickett

16) If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
Dreader Locks- Junior Byles & Lee Perry

17) What is life to you?
Please Wake Me Up- Tom Waits

18) What is the best advice you have to give?
Friction- Television

19) What is the meaning of life?
Everybody Knows That You Are Insane- Queens of the Stone Age

20) What is life’s biggest problem?
17- Kings of Leon

21) What solves the mysteries of life?
Nasty Girl- Notorious B.I.G.

22) What is your dream?
Killing is My Business... and Business is Good- Megadeth

23) What is your greatest fear?
You Ain't Missin' Nothing- T.I.

24) What is your worst attribute?
Days of Graduation- Drive-By Truckers

25) What is your greatest strength?
Your Southern Can is Mine- The White Stripes

26) Describe your love life:
Shelter From the Storm- Bob Dylan

27) How are you going to die?
Wanna Be Startin' Something 2008- Michael Jackson feat. Akon

28) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Brand New Cadillac- The Clash

29) What do your friends think of you?
Improper Dancing- Electric Six

30)What is your funeral song going to be?
Good Old World (Waltz)- Tom Waits

31) What will you be remembered for?
Black Shuck- The Darkness

32) What will end up being your greatest accomplishment?
Girls in Their Summer Clothes- Bruce Springsteen

33) What will be engraved on your tombstone?
Take Off Your Cool- Outkast & Norah Jones

34) What will you call this?
The New Cobweb Summer- Lambchop

Motherfuck the Wagon Come Join the Band

2009-03-24T13:36:00.002-04:00

Thank god I don't love this country, so the choice is easy.

Bad Brains

2009-03-22T13:08:00.003-04:00

If Lil Wayne were ruthless, he would cruise for the next two years, living off the singles from Carter III, of which there are arguably 18. But he is restless, and perhaps motivated by his goblin mind or perhaps by the success of Kanye's 808s and Heartbreak, he has chosen to go in a new direction at the height of his success. Whereas Kanye tried some cold robotic R&B, it seems like Wayne is going for something unclassifiable.

He's losing his mind and/or fucking around, and this is still probably the hook of the year so far. Emerson said in genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts coming back to us. I have a feeling Weezy will be lobbing cruise missiles.

PS look out for a special appearance by Korn, straight from the year 2000.

Happy 51st Birthday, Gary Oldman

2009-03-21T12:56:00.000-04:00

From EVERYYYYYYYYYONNNNNNNNE.

My Future is Clear, But Also Now Unncessary

2009-03-20T04:38:00.004-04:00

And yeah, I know this is from Pitchfork, but fuck that. I've been leaning hard on King David Berman all night trying to learn lines and write analysis for nonsensical Greek and Spanish drama, and I was wondering how infuriating their Jews Reviews News Clues were. Sadly their take on Bright Flight might be the best thing I've ever read on that site. Nate Rooney, whoever he was, got killed immediately I'm sure.

I'm also fairly sure all I ended up memorizing were the lyrics to Federal Dust. They don't cream and they don't dream in Kansas City.

I know you're ready.

AKA Big East

2009-03-19T10:49:00.002-04:00

Putting way too much faith in the Orangemen, but they are warriors. Also my insistence on upsets has yet to really pay off, ever. Obama has put his faith in NC, Coach K, who is actually above President in the constitutional line-up, smacked him down, and if I were a good American I'd get behind Barry, but I don't really care for either the evil empire or chapel hill.

Louisville slug 'em.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T20:45:00.002-04:00

We had the Presidency. May he rest in peace.

Lies

2009-03-15T08:35:00.000-04:00

Here's Hoping

2009-03-13T19:23:00.002-04:00

Francis hasn't made a great movie in exactly 30 years, and even the woozy end of APOCALYPSE showed him beginning to lose his grip on the genius that made him the greatest director of the 1970s. There have been bright spots since then, RUMBLE FISH, parts of THE COTTON CLUB, but his slippage has been one of the sadder things in film. Though really it seems to have afflicted almost all of his 1970s brethren, except Speilberg and Scorsese.

Still, it's really cool to see him enthusiastic about filmmaking again though.

2009-03-12T12:35:00.001-04:00

Yeah, no shit.

Warm-Up

2009-03-08T10:25:00.002-04:00

This will be looked back upon fondly when The Rock loses 40 pounds and wins an Oscar for playing BHO in Oliver Stone's entirely posthumous masterpiece.

2009-03-08T08:03:00.000-04:00

I understand.

Unchained

2009-03-08T07:48:00.004-04:00

Can't sleep. It's only 6:48 am, or it should be. Time has been fucking stolen from me, folded into itself or like one hour fell behind the desk. Daylight savings time is fucking evil.

This late period Johnny Cash stuff is murdering me. I'm fairly certain he was God

Mask Up

2009-03-07T04:00:00.002-05:00

Watchmen Sucks?

If only it were that simple. Jackie Earle Haley's Rorschach is legendary. Some of the film-making is first-rate. The Dr. Manhattan flashback is one of the better sequences I've seen in ages. Almost willing to say it was guest-directed by Scorsese. Pretty much everything related to Manhattan, and Crudup's performance, was outstanding. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's Blake is sleazy and sad perfection. Makeup, cinematography, visual effects, all world-class.

And yet couple that with Patrick Wilson's one-dimensional Dan Dreiberg, who should be hanging out with Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott. Malin Akerman, gorgeous, but with a performance not quite approaching the level of Cameron Diaz in THE MASK. Matthew Goode, clearly just sleepwalking until he gets to audition to play James Bond, is unforgivable. Fucking with so many little things for no reason. NIXON. Nixon fucking looking like Marv's dad and not being remotely like Nixon, but some half-assed cartoon. Jesus christ.

The grimace-inducing music cues. With the exception of only one, the All Along the Watchtower one, because by then I realized the movie was completely retarded and just smiled.

It it were simply awful, that would be easier to take. But this is something much more heart-wrenching.

Need time to think.

1 Million Dollars

2009-03-05T13:43:00.002-05:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

HERE COMES MY FACE

2009-03-04T00:47:00.009-05:00

Inspired by being sick as a dog for two days and mainly adding album covers to my iTunes, I've had a chance to admire a few good ones. So here, about 10 months after my friends did it, are some of my favorite album covers. For more extensive coverage, you can check Justin's moribund Uninvited Modernity or Casey's ethereal, possibly defunct Sweatbees Fucking on a Coke Mirror. dot blog spot dot com.

LAMBCHOP, Is a Woman.

I never really knew what the cover to this, probably my favorite Lambchop album, was. I'm glad to know it's something so sincerely creepy. Clearly the inspiration for the creepy little boy in that Gary Oldman exorcist abortion movie.

DAVID BOWIE, Station to Station

Of all of David's artistic and aesthetic periods, this album and the Thin White Duke are my favorite. I can't really explain my enjoyment of this or why I think it was his best, but I feel it captures his coked-out grandeur. He probably thought he was a fucking angel.

LIL WAYNE, Tha Carter III

Mr. Carter killed his first Blood at age 18 months. He doesn't even remember it.

INTERPOL, Our Love to Admire

Like Interpol, this is something that should be hanging above the mantle at a millionaire's house.

I don't own these next two, and I probably wouldn't want to spoil the effect:

LL COOL J, Walking with a Panther

I represent Queens I am removed from reality.

HANK WILLIAMS JR, The Pressure is On.

I don't really feel like I have to explain this one.

IGGY POP, Lust for Life

This is the most terrifying album cover I've ever seen. Cannibal Corpse can eat it. I have no idea what was going on here.

Maybe more to come. I have an absurd amount of these on my computer right now. Peace.

Fellini's Lost Masterpiece

2009-03-03T19:15:00.001-05:00

HARLEY DAVIDSON & THE MARLBORO MAN. No I'm not done with my Mickey obsession. Not at all.

Last Chance America

2009-02-26T15:01:00.000-05:00

Let's see Jindal respond to this shit.

Gucamorning

2009-02-26T15:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Chipotle,

Please open at 9 or 10 instead of 11. I will make it worth your while.

Sincerely,

Marshall Finch

David Lynch for President

2009-02-25T14:30:00.006-05:00

Even before Bobby Jindal pulled a Budd Dwyer and killed himself on TV, I was struck yesterday by how this guy is the first Republican I've seen in a long time who doesn't make my skin crawl. He apparently has Presidential aspirations. A quick perusal of his CV indicates he may be another Romney, but he also played keyboards with REO Speedwagon once. Regardless, anybody who tells the GOP leadership how inconsequential they are gets my respect.

Well never mind the Washington Times can't even write its embed codes correctly. But here is the link to their article.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/feb/24/utah-governor-ignores-top-gop-legislators

I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me

2009-02-23T20:17:00.004-05:00

I'm glad Mel Gibson has the sense of humor to understand he needs to do this, and the awareness to know that he's already made this exact movie twice. Except The Patriot is more insane.

Also he's made another splash saying he doesn't think Ledger's death was an accident, and he wishes he'd been able to heal hiim with his hands of Christ. I agree on both counts.

the heat around the corner

2009-02-23T17:49:00.003-05:00

"We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate."

The Dress To Get Screwed Party

2009-02-22T19:59:00.031-05:00

8:05- Every year my mind is tricked into thinking the show starts at 8. Every year this 30 minute red carpet thing crushes my soul. Though I do love Tim Gunn. He and Taraji P. Henson both being from DC would be an excellent example of why this city is awesome. Miley has done so much stupid shit and written (ha) a few catchy songs since I complained about her being on this red carpet last year. Maybe they would have nominated Bruce if he'd agreed to let her sing his song?

8:42- My comp crapped out around the time the guy was saying that there was no recession and that the Oscars set was based on the Vatican. I'll probably just write when someone awesome happens. So far this is sort of melting my face, but Hugh Jackman is fearless.

8:48- I'm glad Eva Marie Saint is still with us, but I now stand by my estimation to my friend that this show ends at 9am. Viva Penelope.

8:55- BRUUUUUUUGES? Hope so. Probably Milk or Wall-E. Yeah Milk. Eh. This is why I don't do every category. Why can't Steve Martin be that funny on screen?

9:03- My mind actually just thought oh Aniston and Jack Black, an Along Came Polly reunion. Poor Phil. I wonder if he's gone home.

9:35- Aw the guy from Slumdog didn't get Ben Stiller's Joaquin Phoenix routine. Which was dumb. Ben, my birthday buddy, don't make fun of the insane.

9:45- the Rogen/Franco thing was pretty awesome, and I'm finding the open disrespect for The Reader very charming.

Taking a break for the usual Madrid time dinner. Oh and PS that Japanese winner was a genius, turning the most awkward speech into the best of the night so far.

10:03- Minus Cuba (who is fine), this lineup of Best Supporting Actor presenters is basically my ideal cast for a movie. Walken and Michael Shannon should communicate telepathically.

That was really classy.

10:13- Bill Maher is the biggest comedown of all time. Sleazy bastard. Yes Bill you are very amazing. Go Man on Wire.

Phillipe!

10:21- God I love Tom Cruise.

10:42- Here comes Jerry. Will he yell about how there are no funny women? What the fuck is with all the Coldplay? Lovers in Japan was fine but Viva La Vida makes no sense here. He should already have an Oscar, for The King of Comedy. And Jerry's kids is pretty great yeah.

10:53- Thomas Newman finally has an Oscar? That mans work with strings is a lethal weapon. Genius. Oh no wait, here comes AR Rahman. I love these chill Indian guys who keep winning and teaching us a few Hindi phrases. I have nothing, but I have a mother.

10:56- And the Oscar goes to Bruce Springsteen? Oh, no? That's retarded. That performance was fun though. Leave it to John Legend to show how distinct a songwriter Peter Gabriel is.

My mom's two awesome comments: Look how little we understand about each other (At Slumdog) and "I don't care for that young man" (at Zac Efron)

11:06- Liam Neeson and Freida Pinto, the two most attractive people on earth. Go Waltz.

Whaaaaaaaaaat?

11:10- Should randomly mention I thought Jerry Lewis was very cool. Brevity is the soul of wit, yada yada.

11:20- Danny Boyle, fuckin' awesome. Responsible for so much great cinema. Sometimes the good guys win. Choose Life.

11:27- Yeah these acting tribute panels are a pretty good choice. This whole affair has been pretty fine.

11:35- You're great Kate, but shush. You do not have cancer of the face. You just won an Oscar. "Good girl, now get off." My mother should really be live-blogging.

11:36- Best Actor, moment of truth. As long as one of the two good Irish boys wins I'll be okay, but I think it's clear where my heart is.

Another dream cast. Anthony Hopkins got skinny, damn.

11:42- Well that's fine. Keep it in the family. Mickey's reward has already happened.

That speech was very cool.

11:49- Has it ever been more obvious how much weaker The Reader is than the rest of the nominees?

11:55- Yay Slumdog. Very sweet. I wish Anil Kapoor were my dad. Best Oscars I can remember in awhile actually, warts and all. Hugh can do this crazy thing as long as he wants.

FYI

2009-02-22T19:38:00.002-05:00

Slumdog, Danny Boyle, Mickey Rourke, Kate Winslet, Heath Ledger, Penelope Cruz, Waltz with Bashir, Man on Wire.

Oh, forgot Waaaaaaaaaaaaalll E

WTF

2009-02-22T19:35:00.002-05:00

Not that I'll ever have to deal with it, but I don't imagine I'd be very good at keeping my pleasant face if I lost. Perhaps we'll be seeing some of these reactions tonight. The only one I think they've put here incorrectly is Jack, because I really don't think he cares whether he wins anymore, the Oscars are already a dinner party thrown in his honor, where every year they make it more outlandish in an attempt to impress him. He might have been a little jealous about kissing Halle Berry though. Enjoy the show, I think I've been bullied into live-blogging it. Way to twist my arm, Lyndon Baines Justin.

Go Mickey.

In the Year 2009

2009-02-21T00:23:00.002-05:00

In 12 minutes, the Conan O'Brien era of Late Night ends, and so does my youth, or something like that. I'll have some reaction in a bit.

Blowing Jon Voight's Mind

2009-02-20T23:00:00.002-05:00

4:07

This is the craziest speech I've ever seen, in the best way. Rumsfeld has much to learn. Someone on YouTube called it impressionistic, I think I basically agree with that.

Drill, uh, Babies, Drill

2009-02-20T15:49:00.003-05:00

This man is the Chairman of the Virginia GOP. As in the head. As in elected. By his peers. Apparently this was covered on Olbermann, but I got it in my Demo Memo email. Yeah, Demo Memo. We're not doing much better.

Crimes Against Humanity

2009-02-19T18:48:00.004-05:00

Mind on Mencia has been added to Hulu, adding a level of danger to my insomniac viewings. A friend of mine pointed out that there haven't been ads for his show in forever, and hopefully it is canceled. He certainly is something that belongs in the past, like extraordinary rendition and harsh interrogation.

But on a whim, I tried to watch ten minutes of his show for the first time in 3 years. Where Joe Rogan went wrong is not emphasizing that thief or not, Mencia is not funny. Even by the standards of unfunny people, he is amazingly unfunny. I don't begrudge him his happiness, though as the least talented man to ever host a TV show, I do begrudge him his success.

I do realize this post is tremendously unnecessary and years out of date, but things haven't felt right with Carlos Mencia in the world. And I sense he knows that too. Or maybe it's just my wishful thinking that I hope he has trouble sleeping too.

2009-02-19T03:23:00.000-05:00

Who's the Boss?

2009-02-18T23:16:00.002-05:00

The Uncler w/ Uncle Sam and Alyssa Milano from Alyssa Milano

First of all, it's sad how a parody trailer for The Wrestler still gives me chills. Second, this has no right to work as well as it does. I thought Uncle Sam was Hank Azaria, but apparently not. Also Alyssa Milano clearly wanted this role in real life.

2009-02-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

The Kiss-Off

2009-02-15T00:11:00.005-05:00

On Valentine's Day, saying goodbye to 2008. My ten favorite movies of the year.

#10- The Bank Job: My love for Jason Statham is no secret, but this is the film where he turned into the new Bob Hoskins, even if we don't all know it yet. A really fun British gangster film, and not the usual kind. Saffron Burrows is also really fucking excellent in it. Not to diss my DC homegirl, but she should have the Oscar nod that went to Taraji P. Henson.

#9- Cloverfield: the hype was so enormous, but I feel that in the end all they promised was a new and awesome monster movie, and they delivered on that. Just solid film-making, and all the qualities of a really bad dream.

#8- Slumdog Millionaire: This is the Danny Boyle movie I can watch with my grandfather, and no, it is by no means his best. Still, I love it unreservedly.

#7- Waltz with Bashir: This might actually be the best movie from last year, but I find myself admiring it more than loving it. Probably because it does such a painful job of making me hate war, similar in that respect to Full Metal Jacket. It also strangely has a bitchin' soundtrack.

#6- Vicky Cristina Barcelona Not his best script, thought it is great, but this is the best directed film of Woody Allen's career. Everyone in it is super, but Penelope Cruz will deservedly be hoisting an Oscar for playing my deranged dream woman. Strangely moving, and like nothing else he's ever done.

#5- Man on Wire a great documentary with a central performance that rivals any of the nominees for Best Actor this year.

#4- The Wrestler Brutal, sometimes hard to take. It could conceivably age into the pantheon with ON THE WATERFRONT and RAGING BULL. If Mickey Rourke had to live his whole life to make this movie, it was worth it.

#3- In Bruges The best script of the year, with that great Irish gab. Uproarious, sad, and irresistible. They're filming midgets!

#2- Let the Right One In There are too many fucking vampire movies, but this might be the best ever. If you can even call it that.

#1- The Dark Knight There's no way to write about how this might be the film of our age without sounding like a pretentious dick, but that's exactly what it is. Staggering. Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, Daniel Day Lewis, Heath Ledger. Rest in peace.

Fuck You

2009-02-14T06:04:00.002-05:00

Prepare the End is Extremely Fucking Nigh

2009-02-12T21:31:00.002-05:00

Forget Wrestlemania

2009-02-12T19:19:00.006-05:00

Rourke vs. Rose. The television event of the year. TONIGHT.

Nitrous

2009-02-12T05:49:00.002-05:00

This is like a scene from a fucking David Lynch movie. Or the inverse of the Tobey Maguire scene in FEAR AND LOATHING, where this time the two most dorky and straight-edge guys abduct a total burn-out and try to drive him insane. I've read everywhere that is a put-on, but I kind of like to think Joaquin is going to stay in it forever now that the jig is up. I'm always willing to respect the small chance that he's completely lost his mind. What a terrifying experience this must have been in that case.

It goes without saying this would not work on any show but Letterman's.

Oi

2009-02-11T20:40:00.004-05:00

This is just turning into a white trash copy of Justin's blog. But my posters are motherfucking HUGE.

In my fond recollection CRANK is quickly becoming the greatest movie ever made. Please watch it.

800 Scalps

2009-02-11T16:06:00.004-05:00

Nothing makes me more nervous in 2009 than this movie, and the images here do nothing to alleviate that. I started reading the script PDFs but it just became something I couldn't get through. Tarantino is always very immature on the page. Though I don't regret reading all of KILL BILL a year before it came out when it hadn't been cast yet- I kept imagining Morgan Freeman as Bill, which is an idea that still makes sense to me.

Pitt's fine here, could have been better, though I agree with whomever it was on the internet who said if delivered better this line could have become a mainstay of gym teachers and football coaches everywhere. I scalp your milkshake. There is still the offensive potential for it to become Jim Zorn's rallying cry.

I mean I remain hopeful, but there doesn't seem to be anyone who is regressing as much as Quentin. He's really improved his direction enormously though, and maybe he's diddling around assembling all the skills necessary to make his magnum opus. Still, I have a feeling he'll never again reach the level of his first three films.

I can't stress enough how enormously retarded this script is. It's like the stuff we all wrote in 3rd Grade. Though not as good as Nicky Elliot's story where the bad guy screams so loudly in the back seat of the car that the windows shatter and cut his head off.

Two Daddies in the Remake of Probably My Favorite Movie Ever

2009-02-10T19:33:00.004-05:00

...and I could not be less excited for anything, ever. First of all, where at they looking? Second, does this train even run anymore?

I Just Met this 5 foot 7 Boy Who's Just My Type

2009-02-10T18:57:00.001-05:00

The pain is still so fresh. And she will never be funny, just like naked Nazi Winslet will never hot. And neither of those bitches can read, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Happy 35th, Elizabeth Banks

2009-02-10T18:49:00.002-05:00

I'm afraid I already felt that way about Laura Bush though. SafeSearch is off.

Evelyn I'm Not Coming Home Tonight

2009-02-10T03:44:00.002-05:00

Your result for The Ultimate TRUE IRISH Test ...
Finn MacCool

You scored 91 Common Sense, 86 Irish Facts, and 88 Irish Soul!
I am honored to be in your presence. You know your stuff. You are Irish in your heart. You probably talk like an Irish person after a few pints. You sing the rebel songs. You drink, and probably bleed Guinness. You may have even been interned in British Prisions. You impress (or annoy) all your friends with your vast Irish knowledge. If you are a female, I am in love. If you are a male, we are brothers. We should have a pint. Please don't forget to rate my test...

The Emmisary

2009-02-09T21:09:00.003-05:00

First of all, let's get this out of the way: A-Rod? Are you fucking serious fucko? You are not talking to the Commissioner of the More Taste League.

Obama spoke tonight about being asked when it struck him that he was President, and I take him at his word, but tonight is certainly when it struck me. And also how much better he is than anyone else, almost to the point where I feel bad for him. I don't see how he's going to go 8 years without losing his mind. Though I support him disbanding the government and still mumbling about schoolhouses that makes trains shake, or whatever.

He's a super-being from another planet. Just respect that he knows what hes doing. Will Smith already played him in a movie. Move bitch, get out the way.

Also Helen Thomas, you crazy.

God's Lonely Man

2009-02-09T17:48:00.002-05:00

I wonder if we're far enough away from TAXI DRIVER for most of the teens who go to see this to not get it. And if they don't get it, will it be funny at all? This performance seems to embrace a cruelty Rogen has only hinted at before. This looks like a bold step for him, and if they get it right it could be quite interesting. Also, it has Danny McBride in a hairnet telling him to suck a gun like a dick.

Also a young'n and I were talking about the twin volcano movies in 1997 and the twin asteroid movies the next year. How do these things happen? There were supposed to be two Frida Kahlo movies also, the other one was going to star Jennifer Lopez.

I'm hoping OBSERVE AND REPORT is the DEEP IMPACT of Mall-Cop-with-Delusions films. Though I've enjoyed ARMAGEDDON a lot the three times I've watched it since January. VHS forever.