Prepare the End is Extremely Fucking Nigh

Forget Wrestlemania

Rourke vs. Rose. The television event of the year. TONIGHT.

Nitrous

This is like a scene from a fucking David Lynch movie. Or the inverse of the Tobey Maguire scene in FEAR AND LOATHING, where this time the two most dorky and straight-edge guys abduct a total burn-out and try to drive him insane. I've read everywhere that is a put-on, but I kind of like to think Joaquin is going to stay in it forever now that the jig is up. I'm always willing to respect the small chance that he's completely lost his mind. What a terrifying experience this must have been in that case.

It goes without saying this would not work on any show but Letterman's.

Oi

This is just turning into a white trash copy of Justin's blog. But my posters are motherfucking HUGE.

In my fond recollection CRANK is quickly becoming the greatest movie ever made. Please watch it.

800 Scalps

Nothing makes me more nervous in 2009 than this movie, and the images here do nothing to alleviate that. I started reading the script PDFs but it just became something I couldn't get through. Tarantino is always very immature on the page. Though I don't regret reading all of KILL BILL a year before it came out when it hadn't been cast yet- I kept imagining Morgan Freeman as Bill, which is an idea that still makes sense to me.

Pitt's fine here, could have been better, though I agree with whomever it was on the internet who said if delivered better this line could have become a mainstay of gym teachers and football coaches everywhere. I scalp your milkshake. There is still the offensive potential for it to become Jim Zorn's rallying cry.

I mean I remain hopeful, but there doesn't seem to be anyone who is regressing as much as Quentin. He's really improved his direction enormously though, and maybe he's diddling around assembling all the skills necessary to make his magnum opus. Still, I have a feeling he'll never again reach the level of his first three films.

I can't stress enough how enormously retarded this script is. It's like the stuff we all wrote in 3rd Grade. Though not as good as Nicky Elliot's story where the bad guy screams so loudly in the back seat of the car that the windows shatter and cut his head off.

Two Daddies in the Remake of Probably My Favorite Movie Ever

...and I could not be less excited for anything, ever. First of all, where at they looking? Second, does this train even run anymore?

I Just Met this 5 foot 7 Boy Who's Just My Type

The pain is still so fresh. And she will never be funny, just like naked Nazi Winslet will never hot. And neither of those bitches can read, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Happy 35th, Elizabeth Banks

I'm afraid I already felt that way about Laura Bush though. SafeSearch is off.

Evelyn I'm Not Coming Home Tonight

Your result for The Ultimate TRUE IRISH Test ...
Finn MacCool

You scored 91 Common Sense, 86 Irish Facts, and 88 Irish Soul!
I am honored to be in your presence. You know your stuff. You are Irish in your heart. You probably talk like an Irish person after a few pints. You sing the rebel songs. You drink, and probably bleed Guinness. You may have even been interned in British Prisions. You impress (or annoy) all your friends with your vast Irish knowledge. If you are a female, I am in love. If you are a male, we are brothers. We should have a pint. Please don't forget to rate my test...

The Emmisary

First of all, let's get this out of the way: A-Rod? Are you fucking serious fucko? You are not talking to the Commissioner of the More Taste League.

Obama spoke tonight about being asked when it struck him that he was President, and I take him at his word, but tonight is certainly when it struck me. And also how much better he is than anyone else, almost to the point where I feel bad for him. I don't see how he's going to go 8 years without losing his mind. Though I support him disbanding the government and still mumbling about schoolhouses that makes trains shake, or whatever.



He's a super-being from another planet. Just respect that he knows what hes doing. Will Smith already played him in a movie. Move bitch, get out the way.

Also Helen Thomas, you crazy.