Merry Christmas

Everybody's High on Consolation

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Hall & Oates Pay Tribute to Alan Colmes

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

He's gone. More on this after I take my Bio final, when we have time to discuss Daryl Hall being a better actor than Jon Stewart, and shaved Oates still being the weirdest thing ever. Though not as bad as when he first shaved it, and his lip was shiny enough to be currency.

Catfish Dancing at the End of My Line

The first thing you should know is that everything really is fried. It really is the restaurant no one goes to, and the crowd of people inside (Jesus Mary is it really 1 PM already?) are all paid actors, but not well paid. At least that's what you hope, but there is really no way to describe the looks of dread and suspicion on the faces of those inside, you wouldn't ever have wanted to see a movie it could be compared to, it's just a straight anteroom to hell.

jesus everything is so expensive, no one will approve when the government bails out Long John Silvers. There are balloons, from a child's birthday party maybe, and the plaque board long ago stopped caring who the employee of the month is, or what month it is. The counter is high and the soda is behind the barricade and the servers are cruel like nurses.

You've earned yourself a walk home today, young man. You're already losing it a little bit, but Long Johns is the place you go to help you realize how easy it would be to go insane again. It was a mistake too, only so many more of them before those New Year's resolutions. Long John Silvers is like the terrible relationship that makes you wish you'd tried a little harder with the love of your life, which is in this case is right across the street, has pretty good coffee, and a newspaper stand. Your bag will get soaked on the way home, and as you walk you'll want to see sea shanties but the rain still sticks to your face.

ATMOSPHERE: F
FOOD: C

Battle Bots

This is why I love the military. I can think of no practical purpose for this, other than to fight terrorists who are inside a batting cage. Clearly more R&D people at Defense contractors are getting high than I realized, and probably watching Luke's helmet training scene in Star Wars and thinking it'd be better if that thing had machine guns instead of lasers. It also has a nice Cyberdyne leading into SkyNet vibe to it, and I hope to see a lot of them on the street soon. If only we'd had this in '36 we could have killed Hitler. We could have done a lot of things.

It's Britney, Bitte

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

There's something so much more charming about these German Music Awards. Which are clearly taking place on a cruise ship. My Deutsch is a little rusty, but I might translate approximately:

"Awhile ago the song Hit Me Baby, One More Time got me into a lot of trouble. It ruined my marriage in fact! It's been a strange few years here in Germany, and for Britney as well. When I was young, my father told me of the glorious new nation that would be created by Der Fuhrer, but then the Americans came with their bombs and their rock and roll and shattered my dreams. And now they are back, with their new psycho jungle kind of pop music. Please welcome a woman who until recently was not insane enough to make it as a pop star in Europe, ladies and gentleman- Britney Spears!"

Goin' Rogue

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Almost Makes Me Want to Play Video Games

Thirteen Days

Two Weeks

Ramble on.

Happy Birthday

68.

I Ain't Seen No Sunshine Since I Don't Know When

Well now it makes sense. The poor bastard thinks he's still inside. He probably believes this is all in his head. I wish your freedom before mine.

Belmont Stakes

9:00- They teased me and then gave me more Wolf, who is showing unusual levels of passion tonight. 90 seconds away from 90 minutes of either the best or worst debate of this cycle. A shame Tom Brokaw is the moderator, as he's so vigorously in the tank for McCain. I understand most people in media are in the tank for Obama, how could they not be, they're generally educated, but I would hope not vigorously. Is it possible CNN has gotten rid of the scorecards?

9:03- Who the hell are the old bald guys? Obama needs to do a better job of being less professorial and more empathetic.

9:07- I swear to god if McCain brings up earmarks I will lose my shit. He really is so much better in this format though.

9:10- Notice McCain didn't mention Phil Gramm in his list of prospective Treasury Secretaries.

9:12- Left his campaign to go back to Washington and make sure things got done except A) he didn't suspend and B) he didn't do anything.

9:14- Please bring up Keating, please bring up Keating... I kind of am interested in politicians pointing fingers.

9:17- I can't get over McCain's policies being so socialist, not that I mind.



12:35: Fuck, lost my internet connection most of the night. I thought it was remarkably similar to the last debate. I'll get into it further in a separate post. Line of the night, from my father, over McCain's obsession with earmarks"

"There's a tsunami coming and he's worried about leaves in the swimming pool."

Debate's On, Bitch

I Don't Normally Care for Such Things

But this is perfect.

Don't Vote

Negrodamus

For my dear departed friend Justin, who once asked me why everyone liked Letterman so much. If you're intensely uncomfortable by nature than you are always in your element. Also this is vintage Mooney. He should be one of those people that goes on talk shows even when he doesn't have anything to promote. Know your history. David Letterman is the whitest man alive, so was Julius Caesar.

Every Form of Witchcraft Is What We Rebuke

Huh?

I am in full support of Will Smith chasing an Oscar, as I actually think he has turned into a damned fine actor. Not to mention I'm probably one of the biggest fans of HANCOCK around, if only by virtue of thinking a lot of it was pretty good. But this, I really do not understand at all. And it's not a vague in a trailer way, I mean I really don't think this makes sense. It seems like heartwarming ingredients on frappe. I think he should have been in the hunt last year for I AM LEGEND, but maybe this is more the Academy's speed. If it's not what nets him his Best Actor win, then take heart, because Oliver Stone's OBAMA is probably only about two or three years away.

Debate's On, Bitch

From the beginning to the end
Losers lose, winners win
This is real we aint gotta pretend
The cold world that we in
It's full of pressure and pain

without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without... judgment

I Thought My Jokes Were Bad

Now that the bailout is all but dead, we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is.

Same As It Ever Was

Fuck yes. Only conceivable problem, as I told Jessica, is that Josh Brolin is so attractive and I don't want to think that way about George. As she told me, "You're so fucking gay."

Slow Bleed

This thing has been such a miscalculation, and leave it to Letterman to articulate that best. Pretty sure this quote wasn't on the video, but it's the best I've heard "When things get tough, what are you going to do- suspend being President?" Probably not a coincidence this is time stamped at 9:11. A disaster.

6 Weeks

I Feel Hopeful About the Future

If Joe Biden is to be America's Uncle, then Bill Shatner is our Canadian grandfather, the one we don't deserve. Though staying with uncles, he really reminds me of my Uncle Joe when he's drunk. His manner in this interview leads me to believe he's killed several people. I also like how buff he looks behind a table. That should be a fitness regimen.

We Do Not Understand

Sir Ben Kingsley STOMPS into the shoes of Minor Threat's Ian MacKaye from Mean Magazine on Vimeo.

This would be ten times less cool if I hadn't actually met Ian MacKaye.

Crank Widow

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. Quite accurate, especially mine.

Changeling

The Wall

Right now I would be watching the Presidential Forum (why aren't these town hall debates? weak.). Instead, due to no choice of my own, my father's housemate would prefer to watch Fox's reality show HOLE IN THE WALL, where fat women and men attempt to fit themselves individually and as a team through holes in oncoming walls. Sort of a human tetris.

Tonight it's a black family, the Sweet Georgia Peaches versus white ladies from New York, the Spicy Italian Meatballs. That probably says more than I'm willing to admit. When the fatties fall, they plunge into a pit of green water. We require that every shallow pool of water be tended by a lifeguard, but we're perfectly fine with Sarah Palin being President.

Funkytown

Fall

I'll take the lot.

True Blood

HBO took it about as far as they could with quality, now it's time to bring everybody around talking about how ridiculous their shows are. This and ENTOURAGE are going to make a very strange team. Full thoughts in this spot.