Merry Christmas

Pretty Eyes

"Everybody wants perspective from a hill
but everybody's wants can't make it past the window sill
I can see you in yourt room at night
the pictures on your walls
little forest scenes and high school halloweens
but they don't come to you
they don't come to you at all

All houses dream in blueprints
our house dreams so hard
Outside you can see my shoeprints
I've been dreaming in your yard

One of these days these days will end
Thru the kitchen window the light will bend
You'll be carving a pumpkin with a knife
when someone at the table says
"that's not what I call a life!"

The elephants are so ashamed of their size
hosing down I tell them "you got pretty eyes"
Out in the backyard I used to make like I was a cowboy
I'd set my dog before a hoop and say "now boy, now boy!"

When the governer's heart fails
the state bird falls from its branch
Icicles on hell's higher hills
Meanwhile back home at the ranch
I still get up early in the morning
and I never knew a better place

I believe the stars are the headlights of angels
driving from heaven to save us
to save us
Won't you look at the sky?
They're driving from heaven into our eyes
and though final words are so hard to devise
I promise that I'll always remember your pretty eyes
your pretty eyes"

-Dave Berman

yes, we can.

Coming Down

Dedicated to needless Tuesday hangovers. I don't know how the great ones did it.

At Large

This one's gonna be a bummer.

Typically, this was put up on someone's Facebook page. Someone I used to consider a close friend that I haven't really spoken to in 7 years. Not going to get into that though, but rather that it just jump-started something that's been happening for 4 or 5 years, which is that at some point I return to this song and it sort of paralyzes me.

It's not like I have that much particular identification with Brock's lyrics. I don't particularly care for songs or books about drifters. I certainly wouldn't have the balls to ever drift. The closest I ever came to drifting was blowing a tank of gas getting lost in Annandale listening to Real Gone. It's more like for some reason this song has turned into some kind of anthem of my feelings of being stuck.

I don't even really have a conclusion for this thing. I have someone in my life for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, who makes it okay. I mean love makes things different, I'm lucky. Sure there's a lot I like about here, I love the city, I miss driving through Northwest in the evening, and how evening is pretty much the only way I think of it. This is turning into a take your fucking medicine post, I'm going to ramble if I don't cut this off.

I like the autumn but this place is getting old.

Evil Empire

I can't muster up the enthusiasm for a big baseball post, just like I can't muster the enthusiasm for the game anymore. There was a time when it meant a lot to me. His integrity has been held up as a beacon to ad nauseum, but I will say if anything untoward came out about Cal Ripken I'd probably still be heartbroken. I mean besides Kevin Costner fucking his wife.

Like I said, there was a time when it mattered, and when it did it was all about Birdland, Brady Anderson and Ralphael Palmiero and Roberto Alomar Jr. (I would imagine Little League staring down of umpires went up a lot in this area thanks to him). Later, when I started spending more time up in New york and appreciating the game with my uncle and cousins, it was all about the Mets. I came on board just in time for the Subway series in 2000, and I've more or less stuck with them since. Mike Piazza, New york Catcher.

I've been wrestling all week with a crisis of conscience, that being the inevitability of another yanks world series and how much I can enjoy that. And the truth is, I really can't. I want to like this stern, cleancut group of guys, but except for CC there's never been such a clear indication of how the organization just bleeds the personality from everyone. High & Tight.

So go blah, go Phillies.

P.S. after the fact. Eh, I still can't really care. My mother says they look like baby hippos celebrating, which is why she needs to be on PTI. I called my dad and asked if he was a yankees fan growing up and he said he went to a doubleheader in 1959 that lasted 10 hours and never recovered. He only pretended to ever care about baseball for my sake. Thanks Dad.

He talks about letting me stay up late to watch Cal beat Lou Gehrig's record, which I don't really remember. I do remember around that time my babysitter let me stay up until 12 to watch FORREST GUMP win Best Picture. It was in many ways a simpler time.

I Used to be a Movie Star, It's a Tough Racket

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin hosting the Oscars next year. Not a lot to say except I'm pleased. Could be a real interesting mix. I never really thought so at the time, but Steve Martin has probably been the best host of my lifetime. He's certainly the only one worth quoting. Even Chris Rock was only funny in a brashly awkward take no prisoners way. Some Steve highlights:

From 2001:

"For me, hosting the academy awards is like making love to a beautiful woman. You can only do it when Billy Crystal's not in town."

I actually remember this one differently, much more of just a blatant I am fucking his wife, but it still made me chuckle.

From 2003:

"It's so sweet backstage. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."

"Roman Polanski's here. Get him!"

This one killed in context because there was enormous tension over his nomination and possible win. Kind of more funny in retrospect.

Also here's a sweet quote from Benecio Del Toro:

I'd like to dedicate this to the people of Nogales, Arizona, and Nogales, Mexico.

Polite applause.

I look forward to Baldwin as well, I really have no frame of reference for what he'll do, but I'm sure he'll handle it. He's got stage experience and the wit, and good chemistry with Martin.

After last year, they're on a mission of mercy.

The Human Cost

Something lost in all of the coverage of the Redskins embarrassing first half of the season is the cost in the lives of every day residents of the DC area:

The Papa John's Redskins Special

Faced with one of the easiest opening stretches in the NFL, and the opportunity to put free toppings on many pies, the Skins blew it. My only theory is that Zorn stays so attractive by avoiding pizza, so for that and many other reasons, fuck him.

This is honestly the only way I can get myself to care about the Skins anymore

Sugartits

The Boston accents in this movie sound more offensive than Mel's ideas about who started all wars (why can't characters in movies set in Boston just be from the parts of Boston where they don't have shitty accents), but still, this looks suitable. Especially since I just watched BRAVEHEART today at 7 am. It's time for some more Mel, and I'm glad it'll be this before the one where he puts his hand up a Beaver's ass.

P.S. Apparently LAW ABIDING CITIZEN actually comes out this weekend, but every real man will be in WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, kicking their childhood's ass.

The New Classics on TNT

Since this opens tomorrow and I won't be around, I'd like to just be on record as saying I'm entirely down for it. Especially because it's got that already seen it deja vu, right down to the circa 1993 Andrew Davis sheen. Not to mention it's got huge chunks ripped right out of the Dark Knight. While no Alpha Male Jamie Foxx movies have been good since Any Given Sunday (ehhh The Kingdom), that is counterbalanced by Bruce McGill, who only appears in masterpieces like Seabiscuit and Exit Wounds.

P.S. to save face, whenever Gerard Butler is playing a non-Scot and doing his attempt at the American accent, he should hail from some weird part of Canada. How do they sound in Nova Scotia?

Danny DeVito, 1944-2027

Kanye West, Be More Like Ving Rhames

Godspeed

Patrick Swayze - Chippendale
by tressage

Fazer Eyes

Keep Walking

Oddly moving. This commercial gets what the best of advertising gets, that being, not to be too sentimental, the fact that there is now a great narrative behind every classic brand. Some of them dating back quite far. I'd love to see ads like this for Coca-Cola, IBM, the Democratic Party...

Robert Carlyle, so underused and underrated. I could never countenance the idea of this being considered any form of selling out when it's such an awesome use of his skills. Kudos to all involved. As if it didn't feel classy enough drinking Johnnie.

P.S Here's an oldie but goodie, much less effective but still sexy. Signifying either nothing or how much culture has changed. Just consider the editing, or why the fuck Harvey has to knock over a huge obsidian wall to create an explosion that kills a bunch of lions and reveals an evil eye.

Somebody to Love

I'm quite glad the Coens are now as prolific as Woody Allen. And that they're now rightly selling each of their movies with their previous successes. That's a fairly recent thing. I don't think it's been that long they'd have been able to make a movie without stars, though apparently RIchard Kind is in this.

I'll Never Be an Actor

If You Can Even Really Call It a Choice

Feed Me

Necessary

The Boys are Back

This might be my favorite crazy old man cover since Hurt. I look forward to its badass inclusion in a movie trailer.

Two points of concern:

1) It's weird to hear it with real drumming.

2) It's not really odd for an old man to talk to himself at night because he can't forget. Kind of routine actually, so the resonance is gone.

Wicky Wild Wild Wicky Wicky Wild Wicky Wild Wicky Wicky Wild Wild...

This has played on every commercial break on Hulu for the last three days. Too bad I love it so much. Have you ever seen a better head of hair?

All I Need

Jesus' Son

Black Knights

Anthony Finch, West Point Class of 2013. My cousin finally made his decision tonight, to the thrill I'm sure of my father who believes we need a new generation of smart soldiers to "lead us into space", but probably also to the consternation and concern of his mother and, frankly, me. Pride too though. I'm not particularly close with my cousins, mostly thanks to my dad and my uncle (We're in Chris Titus' 63%), but all the same my pride and heart goes out to him. He got his letter from Hillary Clinton, and he's got upper management written all over him. Having a Colonel in the family might make me straighten up and fly right. Hopefully by the time he graduates the Army will mostly be out of any serious shit. I will end with a refrain from his facebook status:

"Why we on this particular mission, we will never know. But I do know, here today, that the Black Knights will emerge victorious once again."

Cameo

Levar Burton is on twitter Discovered thanks to my buddy Justin who joined up last night and started following him, too drunk to remember doing it or possibly even knowing who he was. Things like this are what make something I found disgusting just two months ago to be very worthwhile. Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too.

Undoing All That Obama Has Accomplished

Things You Have Time to Do When You Don't Have Anything to Do

The many faces of Crowe in the '00s. The actor of the decade? I remember in '01 or so we all were contemplating his Brando status, and then he beat up some TV director and threw a phone at a bellhop, and somehow that meant he was less like Marlon Brando? The range is astronomical and undeniable. Though in 2010 it looks like he's reset to Maximus for ROBIN HOOD. Which probably means in 2011 he'll play Chuck D in the Public Enemy movie.

Neutral Zone

Truly rock bottom.

Wingspan

Madden retires. Truly the end of an era, of an ever present voice. I was only fully converted to his genius fairly recently, and now all too soon he's gone from the landscape. It's early, I'm delirious, there are others who could eulogize this better.

Here's a guy that's retiring, and nothing will ever be the same.

Prayer

Happy Easter.

Johnny

Johnny Hallyday, one of the strangest forces of badass alive, in a film by Johnnie To, whose work I am not familiar with in the slightest, but who I am assured is the truth.

For confirmation of Hallyday, seek out Patrice Leconte's MAN ON THE TRAIN, a film I'm sure I'll talk about again when it's time to consider my favorite films of the decade.

Catholic League of America

The Irish diaspora in America is absurdly large, something like 10 percent of the population. Which is mind-boggling considering we have not yet been made suitable for mass production. Even so, the ways in which MSNBC becomes the Irish Catholic Boys Choir during prime-time is astounding. Mike Barnacle, god love him, is not only someone who shouldn't be on TV, he shouldn't be visible to the naked eye. This is as Irish Times as I've ever seen it get though, and while I almost invariably find myself nodding with Buchanan's evil way of laying it out like it is, he has his head up his ass here. Major O'Donnell pwnage. Perhaps they did make a mistake putting Big Ed in the slot instead of him. Plus he's not even fucking Irish. Is he?

Inches

Either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.

I Can Feel It Coming In the Air Tonight

Schlong

Sacha Baron Cohen is one of our greatest living actors. As is Ron Paul. Dynamite combo.

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

Romney 2068

His Hair Was Perfect

Gone too long without Cruise-ing. One of my favorite songs ever, and sadly this is where I first heard it. Color of Money. Nobody's favorite Scorsese, except Tom Cruise's. Awoo.

The Existence of Life is a Highly Overrated Phenomenon

If only we could see time the way he does.

No Words

The last movie Spike Jonze made was ADAPTATION, seven years ago. Which is also the last time I can remember music working this well in a trailer or being this moved by it. This just went from guaranteed horror show to one of my two or three most anticipated of the year. I guess we'll just have to adjuuuuuuust.

Take Off Your Cool

Some of these are disturbingly apt.

Directions (if you care):
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.
4. If you get tagged you are under no obligation to do your own.

1) Are you a male of a female?

The Moon is the Number 18- Silver Jews

2) Describe yourself?

I Got a Story to Tell- Notorious B.I.G.

3) How do you feel about yourself?

Chips Ahoy!- The Hold Steady

4) Describe your family.

Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

5) What would your family say about you?

I'm So Tired- The Beatles

6) Describe your current love interest?

Fisher of Men- M. Ward

7) What would your current love interest say about you?
Dopeman (Remix) - NWA

8) Describe your current location:
Don't You Evah- Spoon

9) Describe where you want to be:
Stan- Eminem

10) Describe what you want to be:
Stevie Nix- The Hold Steady

11) Describe your best friend:
The Overload- Talking Heads

12) What would your best friend say about you?
I'm Only Sleeping- The Beatles

13) Your favorite color is:
Anonanimal- Andrew Bird

14) You know that:
Tunneling Through the Guy- Man Man

15) What is the weather like?
I Found Love- Wilson Pickett

16) If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
Dreader Locks- Junior Byles & Lee Perry

17) What is life to you?
Please Wake Me Up- Tom Waits

18) What is the best advice you have to give?
Friction- Television

19) What is the meaning of life?
Everybody Knows That You Are Insane- Queens of the Stone Age

20) What is life’s biggest problem?
17- Kings of Leon

21) What solves the mysteries of life?
Nasty Girl- Notorious B.I.G.

22) What is your dream?
Killing is My Business... and Business is Good- Megadeth

23) What is your greatest fear?
You Ain't Missin' Nothing- T.I.

24) What is your worst attribute?
Days of Graduation- Drive-By Truckers

25) What is your greatest strength?
Your Southern Can is Mine- The White Stripes

26) Describe your love life:
Shelter From the Storm- Bob Dylan

27) How are you going to die?
Wanna Be Startin' Something 2008- Michael Jackson feat. Akon

28) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Brand New Cadillac- The Clash

29) What do your friends think of you?
Improper Dancing- Electric Six

30)What is your funeral song going to be?
Good Old World (Waltz)- Tom Waits

31) What will you be remembered for?
Black Shuck- The Darkness

32) What will end up being your greatest accomplishment?
Girls in Their Summer Clothes- Bruce Springsteen

33) What will be engraved on your tombstone?
Take Off Your Cool- Outkast & Norah Jones

34) What will you call this?
The New Cobweb Summer- Lambchop

Motherfuck the Wagon Come Join the Band

Thank god I don't love this country, so the choice is easy.

Bad Brains

If Lil Wayne were ruthless, he would cruise for the next two years, living off the singles from Carter III, of which there are arguably 18. But he is restless, and perhaps motivated by his goblin mind or perhaps by the success of Kanye's 808s and Heartbreak, he has chosen to go in a new direction at the height of his success. Whereas Kanye tried some cold robotic R&B, it seems like Wayne is going for something unclassifiable.

He's losing his mind and/or fucking around, and this is still probably the hook of the year so far. Emerson said in genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts coming back to us. I have a feeling Weezy will be lobbing cruise missiles.

PS look out for a special appearance by Korn, straight from the year 2000.

Happy 51st Birthday, Gary Oldman

From EVERYYYYYYYYYONNNNNNNNE.

My Future is Clear, But Also Now Unncessary

And yeah, I know this is from Pitchfork, but fuck that. I've been leaning hard on King David Berman all night trying to learn lines and write analysis for nonsensical Greek and Spanish drama, and I was wondering how infuriating their Jews Reviews News Clues were. Sadly their take on Bright Flight might be the best thing I've ever read on that site. Nate Rooney, whoever he was, got killed immediately I'm sure.

I'm also fairly sure all I ended up memorizing were the lyrics to Federal Dust. They don't cream and they don't dream in Kansas City.

I know you're ready.

AKA Big East

Putting way too much faith in the Orangemen, but they are warriors. Also my insistence on upsets has yet to really pay off, ever. Obama has put his faith in NC, Coach K, who is actually above President in the constitutional line-up, smacked him down, and if I were a good American I'd get behind Barry, but I don't really care for either the evil empire or chapel hill.

Louisville slug 'em.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

We had the Presidency. May he rest in peace.

Lies

Here's Hoping

Francis hasn't made a great movie in exactly 30 years, and even the woozy end of APOCALYPSE showed him beginning to lose his grip on the genius that made him the greatest director of the 1970s. There have been bright spots since then, RUMBLE FISH, parts of THE COTTON CLUB, but his slippage has been one of the sadder things in film. Though really it seems to have afflicted almost all of his 1970s brethren, except Speilberg and Scorsese.

Still, it's really cool to see him enthusiastic about filmmaking again though.

Yeah, no shit.

Warm-Up

This will be looked back upon fondly when The Rock loses 40 pounds and wins an Oscar for playing BHO in Oliver Stone's entirely posthumous masterpiece.

I understand.

Unchained

Can't sleep. It's only 6:48 am, or it should be. Time has been fucking stolen from me, folded into itself or like one hour fell behind the desk. Daylight savings time is fucking evil.

This late period Johnny Cash stuff is murdering me. I'm fairly certain he was God

Mask Up

Watchmen Sucks?

If only it were that simple. Jackie Earle Haley's Rorschach is legendary. Some of the film-making is first-rate. The Dr. Manhattan flashback is one of the better sequences I've seen in ages. Almost willing to say it was guest-directed by Scorsese. Pretty much everything related to Manhattan, and Crudup's performance, was outstanding. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's Blake is sleazy and sad perfection. Makeup, cinematography, visual effects, all world-class.

And yet couple that with Patrick Wilson's one-dimensional Dan Dreiberg, who should be hanging out with Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott. Malin Akerman, gorgeous, but with a performance not quite approaching the level of Cameron Diaz in THE MASK. Matthew Goode, clearly just sleepwalking until he gets to audition to play James Bond, is unforgivable. Fucking with so many little things for no reason. NIXON. Nixon fucking looking like Marv's dad and not being remotely like Nixon, but some half-assed cartoon. Jesus christ.

The grimace-inducing music cues. With the exception of only one, the All Along the Watchtower one, because by then I realized the movie was completely retarded and just smiled.

It it were simply awful, that would be easier to take. But this is something much more heart-wrenching.

Need time to think.

1 Million Dollars

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

HERE COMES MY FACE

Inspired by being sick as a dog for two days and mainly adding album covers to my iTunes, I've had a chance to admire a few good ones. So here, about 10 months after my friends did it, are some of my favorite album covers. For more extensive coverage, you can check Justin's moribund Uninvited Modernity or Casey's ethereal, possibly defunct Sweatbees Fucking on a Coke Mirror. dot blog spot dot com.

LAMBCHOP, Is a Woman.

I never really knew what the cover to this, probably my favorite Lambchop album, was. I'm glad to know it's something so sincerely creepy. Clearly the inspiration for the creepy little boy in that Gary Oldman exorcist abortion movie.



DAVID BOWIE, Station to Station

Of all of David's artistic and aesthetic periods, this album and the Thin White Duke are my favorite. I can't really explain my enjoyment of this or why I think it was his best, but I feel it captures his coked-out grandeur. He probably thought he was a fucking angel.



LIL WAYNE, Tha Carter III

Mr. Carter killed his first Blood at age 18 months. He doesn't even remember it.



INTERPOL, Our Love to Admire

Like Interpol, this is something that should be hanging above the mantle at a millionaire's house.



I don't own these next two, and I probably wouldn't want to spoil the effect:

LL COOL J, Walking with a Panther

I represent Queens I am removed from reality.



HANK WILLIAMS JR, The Pressure is On.

I don't really feel like I have to explain this one.



IGGY POP, Lust for Life

This is the most terrifying album cover I've ever seen. Cannibal Corpse can eat it. I have no idea what was going on here.



Maybe more to come. I have an absurd amount of these on my computer right now. Peace.

Fellini's Lost Masterpiece

HARLEY DAVIDSON & THE MARLBORO MAN. No I'm not done with my Mickey obsession. Not at all.

Last Chance America

Let's see Jindal respond to this shit.

Gucamorning

Dear Chipotle,

Please open at 9 or 10 instead of 11. I will make it worth your while.

Sincerely,

Marshall Finch

David Lynch for President

Even before Bobby Jindal pulled a Budd Dwyer and killed himself on TV, I was struck yesterday by how this guy is the first Republican I've seen in a long time who doesn't make my skin crawl. He apparently has Presidential aspirations. A quick perusal of his CV indicates he may be another Romney, but he also played keyboards with REO Speedwagon once. Regardless, anybody who tells the GOP leadership how inconsequential they are gets my respect.

Well never mind the Washington Times can't even write its embed codes correctly. But here is the link to their article.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/feb/24/utah-governor-ignores-top-gop-legislators

I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me

I'm glad Mel Gibson has the sense of humor to understand he needs to do this, and the awareness to know that he's already made this exact movie twice. Except The Patriot is more insane.

Also he's made another splash saying he doesn't think Ledger's death was an accident, and he wishes he'd been able to heal hiim with his hands of Christ. I agree on both counts.

the heat around the corner

"We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate."

The Dress To Get Screwed Party

8:05- Every year my mind is tricked into thinking the show starts at 8. Every year this 30 minute red carpet thing crushes my soul. Though I do love Tim Gunn. He and Taraji P. Henson both being from DC would be an excellent example of why this city is awesome. Miley has done so much stupid shit and written (ha) a few catchy songs since I complained about her being on this red carpet last year. Maybe they would have nominated Bruce if he'd agreed to let her sing his song?

8:42- My comp crapped out around the time the guy was saying that there was no recession and that the Oscars set was based on the Vatican. I'll probably just write when someone awesome happens. So far this is sort of melting my face, but Hugh Jackman is fearless.

8:48- I'm glad Eva Marie Saint is still with us, but I now stand by my estimation to my friend that this show ends at 9am. Viva Penelope.

8:55- BRUUUUUUUGES? Hope so. Probably Milk or Wall-E. Yeah Milk. Eh. This is why I don't do every category. Why can't Steve Martin be that funny on screen?

9:03- My mind actually just thought oh Aniston and Jack Black, an Along Came Polly reunion. Poor Phil. I wonder if he's gone home.

9:35- Aw the guy from Slumdog didn't get Ben Stiller's Joaquin Phoenix routine. Which was dumb. Ben, my birthday buddy, don't make fun of the insane.

9:45- the Rogen/Franco thing was pretty awesome, and I'm finding the open disrespect for The Reader very charming.

Taking a break for the usual Madrid time dinner. Oh and PS that Japanese winner was a genius, turning the most awkward speech into the best of the night so far.

10:03- Minus Cuba (who is fine), this lineup of Best Supporting Actor presenters is basically my ideal cast for a movie. Walken and Michael Shannon should communicate telepathically.

That was really classy.

10:13- Bill Maher is the biggest comedown of all time. Sleazy bastard. Yes Bill you are very amazing. Go Man on Wire.

Phillipe!

10:21- God I love Tom Cruise.

10:42- Here comes Jerry. Will he yell about how there are no funny women? What the fuck is with all the Coldplay? Lovers in Japan was fine but Viva La Vida makes no sense here. He should already have an Oscar, for The King of Comedy. And Jerry's kids is pretty great yeah.

10:53- Thomas Newman finally has an Oscar? That mans work with strings is a lethal weapon. Genius. Oh no wait, here comes AR Rahman. I love these chill Indian guys who keep winning and teaching us a few Hindi phrases. I have nothing, but I have a mother.

10:56- And the Oscar goes to Bruce Springsteen? Oh, no? That's retarded. That performance was fun though. Leave it to John Legend to show how distinct a songwriter Peter Gabriel is.

My mom's two awesome comments: Look how little we understand about each other (At Slumdog) and "I don't care for that young man" (at Zac Efron)

11:06- Liam Neeson and Freida Pinto, the two most attractive people on earth. Go Waltz.

Whaaaaaaaaaat?

11:10- Should randomly mention I thought Jerry Lewis was very cool. Brevity is the soul of wit, yada yada.

11:20- Danny Boyle, fuckin' awesome. Responsible for so much great cinema. Sometimes the good guys win. Choose Life.

11:27- Yeah these acting tribute panels are a pretty good choice. This whole affair has been pretty fine.

11:35- You're great Kate, but shush. You do not have cancer of the face. You just won an Oscar. "Good girl, now get off." My mother should really be live-blogging.

11:36- Best Actor, moment of truth. As long as one of the two good Irish boys wins I'll be okay, but I think it's clear where my heart is.

Another dream cast. Anthony Hopkins got skinny, damn.

11:42- Well that's fine. Keep it in the family. Mickey's reward has already happened.

That speech was very cool.

11:49- Has it ever been more obvious how much weaker The Reader is than the rest of the nominees?

11:55- Yay Slumdog. Very sweet. I wish Anil Kapoor were my dad. Best Oscars I can remember in awhile actually, warts and all. Hugh can do this crazy thing as long as he wants.

FYI

Slumdog, Danny Boyle, Mickey Rourke, Kate Winslet, Heath Ledger, Penelope Cruz, Waltz with Bashir, Man on Wire.

Oh, forgot Waaaaaaaaaaaaalll E

WTF

Not that I'll ever have to deal with it, but I don't imagine I'd be very good at keeping my pleasant face if I lost. Perhaps we'll be seeing some of these reactions tonight. The only one I think they've put here incorrectly is Jack, because I really don't think he cares whether he wins anymore, the Oscars are already a dinner party thrown in his honor, where every year they make it more outlandish in an attempt to impress him. He might have been a little jealous about kissing Halle Berry though. Enjoy the show, I think I've been bullied into live-blogging it. Way to twist my arm, Lyndon Baines Justin.

Go Mickey.

In the Year 2009

In 12 minutes, the Conan O'Brien era of Late Night ends, and so does my youth, or something like that. I'll have some reaction in a bit.

Blowing Jon Voight's Mind

4:07

This is the craziest speech I've ever seen, in the best way. Rumsfeld has much to learn. Someone on YouTube called it impressionistic, I think I basically agree with that.

Drill, uh, Babies, Drill

This man is the Chairman of the Virginia GOP. As in the head. As in elected. By his peers. Apparently this was covered on Olbermann, but I got it in my Demo Memo email. Yeah, Demo Memo. We're not doing much better.

Crimes Against Humanity

Mind on Mencia has been added to Hulu, adding a level of danger to my insomniac viewings. A friend of mine pointed out that there haven't been ads for his show in forever, and hopefully it is canceled. He certainly is something that belongs in the past, like extraordinary rendition and harsh interrogation.

But on a whim, I tried to watch ten minutes of his show for the first time in 3 years. Where Joe Rogan went wrong is not emphasizing that thief or not, Mencia is not funny. Even by the standards of unfunny people, he is amazingly unfunny. I don't begrudge him his happiness, though as the least talented man to ever host a TV show, I do begrudge him his success.

I do realize this post is tremendously unnecessary and years out of date, but things haven't felt right with Carlos Mencia in the world. And I sense he knows that too. Or maybe it's just my wishful thinking that I hope he has trouble sleeping too.

Who's the Boss?

The Uncler w/ Uncle Sam and Alyssa Milano from Alyssa Milano

First of all, it's sad how a parody trailer for The Wrestler still gives me chills. Second, this has no right to work as well as it does. I thought Uncle Sam was Hank Azaria, but apparently not. Also Alyssa Milano clearly wanted this role in real life.

The Kiss-Off

On Valentine's Day, saying goodbye to 2008. My ten favorite movies of the year.



#10- The Bank Job: My love for Jason Statham is no secret, but this is the film where he turned into the new Bob Hoskins, even if we don't all know it yet. A really fun British gangster film, and not the usual kind. Saffron Burrows is also really fucking excellent in it. Not to diss my DC homegirl, but she should have the Oscar nod that went to Taraji P. Henson.



#9- Cloverfield: the hype was so enormous, but I feel that in the end all they promised was a new and awesome monster movie, and they delivered on that. Just solid film-making, and all the qualities of a really bad dream.



#8- Slumdog Millionaire: This is the Danny Boyle movie I can watch with my grandfather, and no, it is by no means his best. Still, I love it unreservedly.



#7- Waltz with Bashir: This might actually be the best movie from last year, but I find myself admiring it more than loving it. Probably because it does such a painful job of making me hate war, similar in that respect to Full Metal Jacket. It also strangely has a bitchin' soundtrack.



#6- Vicky Cristina Barcelona Not his best script, thought it is great, but this is the best directed film of Woody Allen's career. Everyone in it is super, but Penelope Cruz will deservedly be hoisting an Oscar for playing my deranged dream woman. Strangely moving, and like nothing else he's ever done.



#5- Man on Wire a great documentary with a central performance that rivals any of the nominees for Best Actor this year.



#4- The Wrestler Brutal, sometimes hard to take. It could conceivably age into the pantheon with ON THE WATERFRONT and RAGING BULL. If Mickey Rourke had to live his whole life to make this movie, it was worth it.



#3- In Bruges The best script of the year, with that great Irish gab. Uproarious, sad, and irresistible. They're filming midgets!



#2- Let the Right One In There are too many fucking vampire movies, but this might be the best ever. If you can even call it that.



#1- The Dark Knight There's no way to write about how this might be the film of our age without sounding like a pretentious dick, but that's exactly what it is. Staggering. Marlon Brando, Robert DeNiro, Daniel Day Lewis, Heath Ledger. Rest in peace.

Fuck You